Taking the Sting Out of a Layoff

Autumn playfully lounges on the boardwalk at Kealea Pond National Wildlife Refuge

In October, I went to Maui by myself for a week. I had the incredible good fortune to housesit for a friend of mine which meant I only needed to take care of getting myself there. Which is a really good thing because I was part of COLOR’s most recent round of layoffs.

While being laid off is *not good*, being able to vacation without worrying about the pile of emails waiting for you, or the project that’s on pause, or needing to take “just a couple of meetings” is absolutely indescribable.

I swam with turtles. I supported local small businesses. I took my time reading ALL the signs on the Kealia Coastal Boardwalk. I fell asleep while reading Dune no fewer than 5 times. I volunteered at a food bank. I borrowed a dog from the Maui Humane Society for a 4 mile hike in the rainforest. I soothed my soul, gave back to ‘Aina, and came out ready to face what’s next.

One Year Later…

Look. You can say, “I told you so” or “I knew it!” or any number of other things but the simple fact is that I’ve been so busy pretending to be a Professional Woman™️ that I haven’t had the time to devote to blogging about it. Or even pretending to blog about it.

Since my last (first, ugh) post I experienced Christmas, a business trip to Phoenix (combined with a weekend stopover in Vegas to celebrate my husband’s birthday), organized and implemented (with help from my incredible Operations team) my company’s annual gathering complete with an internal conference day, have lead my company through a global pandemic, panicked my way through a presidential election cycle, and have decided to eat yogurt and do yoga every day. It’s been a big year.

Now, as the nation chews its fingernails waiting for the final tally from a handful of state that will determine who our president will be for the next 4 years, I’m submitting an application for grad school. I’m not one to count my chickens before they hatch, but I’m gonna do it. I’m going to get my MBA. Someone asked me how schools I was applying to and I was like, “Hah! One, to start. I’ll see what happens after that point.”

The way I see it, I’ve waiting this long to go back to school, if i don’t get into this program, what’s another 6 months? Or a year? But if I DO get in to this program…then it’s just two months before my evenings and weekends disappear for a while. No time like the present to not go on vacations, hang out in bars, or see friends 🥴.

It feels good to make a decision that’s all about me. Yes, of course me learning things like data analysis and strategic thinking is going to help my company, but more than that, it’s going to be a huge boost to my confidence and help me feel like I really do deserve my seat at the table.

But first I have to get in.

I am a Fake Professional

Okay, that may be sort of an exaggeration. But maybe it’s not.

I’m the VP of Operations for a smallish-mediumish tech firm based in Seattle. We have a few offices in the U.S. and an office in London. Based on these stats, we are what’s known in common parlance as “a Big Boy company”. I am (am I?) responsible for the 80-ish souls employed by my company and it’s a responsibility that I take very seriously.

Which, TBH, can be difficult when I’m pretty sure that I’m a collection of mismatched socks stuffed inside a human suit. Imposter Syndrome much? Yeah, more on that later.

This blog is going to be an attempt to hold myself accountable (whatever that means in this context) as play the part of a Successful Professional Woman™️. I want to examine my shortcomings, celebrate my wins, and maybe even interrogate my feelings. I’m not just going to talk about work stuff but also personal life stuff, being a mom, being a female, and generally being a human who isn’t great with things like lima beans and emotions.

So, welcome to the party.